


I didn't change who I am, I've always been a man

by noodles_07



Series: Trans MCYT oneshots (aka the author is projecting) [4]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Accidental Deadnaming, Author Projecting onto TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Coming Out, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Part ventfic, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), accidental misgendering, billionares aren't self made men trans men are self made men, not edited or beta'd we die like MEN, supportive everyone, trans author
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:06:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29538651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noodles_07/pseuds/noodles_07
Summary: Tommy has a bad time. His family makes it better.Title is from Ryan Casseta's song Daughter
Relationships: Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, they r family your honor
Series: Trans MCYT oneshots (aka the author is projecting) [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2057943
Comments: 13
Kudos: 389





	I didn't change who I am, I've always been a man

**Author's Note:**

> TW's for dysphoria, deadnaming (accidentally) and menstration
> 
> Woke up today in crippling pain and wanting to die so I made Tommy happy
> 
> Not edited or beta'd because I just don't have that kind of energy rn

Tommy stared at the mirror. He was so, so _tired_ of living this... 'double life', with his family and friends knowing him by the wrong name. He couldn't see why he couldn't just say it, spit it out already.

He _wanted_ to come out. So why couldn't he?

His eyes swept from his rounded cheeks to his skinny wrists and up to- nope, not looking at his chest, he definitely wasn't equipped to handle that right now.

Abruptly, he heard Phil's voice from downstairs. “Wilbur! Tech, Allie, dinners ready!”

He physically recoiled from the mirror, meeting his own eyes in his reflection. His whole face was etched with distress as his brain echoed that one word, that _stupid_ name, the name that wasn't his and never would be and how could they still see him as that when it was so, so clear-

“Coming!” he shouted back, taking a deep breath to steel himself. If he was going to stay in the closet- _like a coward,_ his brain whispered- then he could handle being misgendered. Not that he had much of a choice otherwise.

He heard Wilbur thunder downstairs, probably going two at a time and about to smack into the wall at the bottom, and waited until he heard Techno's door open to exit the bathroom and start to descend himself.

Tommy _knew_ they'd be fine with it. Hell, they'd explicitly told him multiple times in the past that they'd be supportive and that they never wanted him to be afraid to tell them something. _So why couldn't he just say it already?_

He took his seat at the table, putting on his well-practiced 'everything is fine' face while Wilbur and Phil chatted, waiting for Techno to come down.

As soon as the third boy reached the table, all three thanked Phil and dug in. Phil chuckled, muttered something about 'teenage boys'- Tommy had to repress the sheer amount of gender euphoria that gave him- and started his own food.

Dinner was a blur. Tommy wasn't sure if he dissociated or if it was just more peaceful than usual, but he made it upstairs and back into the bathroom without having a major breakdown.

He stared at the shower curtain, squinting his eyes and briefly visualizing a screen from an old western movie where he and the curtain would be having a standoff. He really _should_ take a shower tonight, but also... titties.

The titties won.

He changed into the outfit he slept in every night, an oversized black hoodie and flannel plaid pants that he'd stolen from Techno last year.

Tommy promptly flopped into bed, pulling out his phone to scroll the depths of the internet while he waited for it to be a reasonable hour to turn his light off, when he would then do the same thing but in the dark.

While he aimlessly scrolled tumblr, he made the mistake of letting his brain wander.

_How did they not realize already? He'd gotten his hair cut short two years ago, and last year he'd aggressively refused anything feminine. They'd watched him go from the girlyest girl possible to someone who only wore baggy clothes and never rejected a joke about changing his name or pronouns._

A few hours of mindless scrolling later, he finally rolled over and tossed his phone in the vague direction of his nightstand. He'd plug it in in the morning.

The morning... did not go as he'd hoped. He woke up writhing in pain, and for the thirty seconds in that not-quite-awake-but-definitely-not-asleep phase he was pretty confident he was dying.

Once his brain had successfully booted up for the day, he _correctly_ clicked the pieces together and stumbled to the bathroom, grabbing a clean pair of underpants and a pad on the way. _God fucking dammit._

It was too early for this. Yes it was ten in the morning. Too early. He crashed back into bed with a groan and rolled over to find his phone, digging it out from where it had fallen under the bed and tapping to a bookmarked page, Tips For Boys On Their Period.

Not that it would help him much if he was still in the closet, but at least it reminded him that other boys also went through this.

Fifteen minutes later and the cramps were catching up with him. He hauled himself downstairs to where his dad was cleaning up in the kitchen and his brothers were nowhere in sight.

“Morning Allie!” Phil greeted cheerfully.

Maybe it was the fact that he wasn't fully awake. Maybe the pain made him delirious. Maybe it was the leftover dysphoria from last night. Maybe he'd just reached his snapping point.

“That's not my name.”

His voice came out colder than he expected, but honestly he couldn't be bothered to give a fuck as he dug through the pantry for cereal so he could take some advil. Phil quirked an eyebrow at him.

“Ohhkay. What is your name, then?”

“Tommy. He/him pronouns.”

“Alright Tommy, does anyone else know?”

Tommy dropped the cereal box on the counter- Wilbur loved to shove it in the back and make him and Techno dig for it- and practically threw open the fridge.

“Nope.”

“Do you want to tell Will and Tech?”

“Maybe when I'm more awake and not in crippling pain” he shot back, flopping into his spot at the table only to realize he'd forgotten to pick up a spoon. He made slight grabby hands at Phil, who got the message and deposited a spoon next to him with a chuckle.

-<()>-

The day passed in a blur. Tommy silently thanked whatever gods were out there for creating weekends.

When he stumbled down the stairs for the weekly movie night, he found Wilbur draped across the back of the couch, Phil tucked against one arm and Techno sitting cross-legged on the floor.

“Tommy!” “Hey Toms!” “Finally decided to join the party, eh?” all three greeted, and Tommy grinned. He bounced into his spot next to Phil, curled right against his fathers side, and glared at Wilbur until the brunet relinquished the remote and let him put on his favorite movie, Mulan.

His uterus was throwing a temper tantrum and he couldn't look in the mirror without feeling like he was going to cry, but he had his dads arm around his shoulders and was using Wilbur as a headrest and put his feet on Techno's shoulder and everything was gonna be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments brain the brain go brr and the dysphoria more bearable! Please give my brain the happy juice! 
> 
> Also Tommy's deadname in this doesn't mean anything, I just googled random girl names and found one that vibed with me


End file.
